Comparing “Working With Others” to the original manuscript for our Basic Text
Comparison Format — Colors appear here only and are — — not used in the actual comparisons. — Words above brackets are from the pre-publication version. < Bracketed copy is from our Basic Text as it reads today. > ~ Format Examples ~Rarely have we < RARELY HAVE WE > seen a person fail who has thoroughly directions followed our < path >...~ ~ ~Now we think you can take it! < — — — — — > Here are the steps we took...~ ~ ~11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our — — — — — — < conscious > contact with God < as we understood Him >...~ ~ ~
Chapter 7 < Chapter 7 > WORKING WITH OTHERSPractical experience < PRACTICAL EXPERIENCE > shows that nothing will so your own much insure < > immunity from drinking as intensive spiritual work with other alcoholics. It works when other < > twelfth suggestion activities fail. This is our < twelfth suggestion >: Carry this message to other alcoholics! You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fatally fail. Remember they are < very > ill. The kick you will get is tremendous. < Life will take on new meaning. > To watch people come back to life < recover >, to see them help others, to watch lonli- ness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends – this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives. Perhaps you are not acquainted with any drinkers who want to recover. You can easily find some by asking a few and doctors, ministers, priests < or > hospitals. They will have your help be only too glad to < assist you >. Don't start out as an evangelist or reformer. Unfortunately a lot of prejudice exists. You will be handicapped if you arouse it. Preachers don't like to be told they don't < Ministers > and doctors < > know their business. They usually < > are < > competent and you can learn much from them if you wish, but it happens that because of your own drinking experience you can be uniquely useful to other alcoholics. So cooperate; never criticize. should be your To be helpful < is our > only aim.
90
When you discover a prospect for Alcoholics Anonymous,
find out all you can about him. If he does not want to stop
drinking, don't waste time trying to persuade him. You may
spoil a later opportunity. This advice is given for his
must
family also. They < should > be patient, realizing they are
dealing with a sick person.
If there is any indication that he wants to stop, have
a good talk with the person most interested in him – usually
his wife. Get an idea of his behavior, his problems, his
background, the seriousness of his condition, and his reli-
gious leanings. You need this information to put yourself
in his place, to see how you would like him to approach you
if the tables were turned.
Usually
< Sometimes > it is wise to wait till he goes on a binge.
The family may object to this, but unless he is in a dangerous
physical condition, it is better to risk it. Don't deal with
him when he is very drunk, unless he is ugly and the family
needs your help. Wait for the end of the spree, or at least
for a lucid interval. Then let his family or a friend ask him
if he wants to quit for good and if he would go to any extreme
to do so. If he says yes, then his attention should be drawn
to you as a person who has recovered. You should be described
a
to him as one of a fellowship who, as < > part of their own
a
fellowship who, as < > part of their own recovery, try to help
,
others < > and who will be glad to talk to him if he cares to
see you.
If he does not want to see you, never force yourself upon
him. Neither should the family hysterically plead with him to
do anything, nor should they tell him much about you. They
should wait for the end of his next drinking bout. You might
place this book where he can see it in the interval. Here no
specific rule can be given. The family must decide these
91
things. But urge them not to be over-anxious, for that might
spoil matters.
The represent
< Usually the > family should not try to < tell your >
you
< story >. When possible, avoid meeting a man through his
family. Approach through a doctor or an institution is a
better bet. If your man needs hospitalization, he should
,
have it, but not forcibly < > unless he is violent. Let the
doctor < , if he will, > tell him < that > he has something
new
< > in the way of a solution.
let
When your man is better, < > the doctor < might >
suggest a visit from you. Though you have talked with the
family, leave them out of the first discussion. Under these
conditions your prospect will see he is under no pressure.
He will feel he can deal with you without being nagged by his
will
family. Call on him while he is still jittery. He < may > be
more receptive when depressed.
See your man alone, if possible. At first engage in
general conversation. After a while, turn the talk to some
Say
phase of drinking. < Tell him > enough about your drinking
habits, symptoms, and experiences to encourage him to speak
of himself. If he wishes to talk, let him do so. You will
thus get a better idea of how you ought to proceed. If he is
not communicative, give him a sketch of your drinking career
up to the time you quit. But say nothing, for the moment,
,
of how that was accomplished. If he is in a serious mood < >
dwell on the troubles liquor has caused you, being careful
preach
not to moralize or < lecture >. If his mood is light, tell
him humorous stories of your escapades. Get him to tell
some of his.
When he sees you know all about the drinking game,
commence to describe yourself as an alcoholic.
92
Tell him how baffled you were, how you finally learned that
as well as weak
you were sick < >. Give him an account of the
struggles you made to stop. Show him the mental twist which
Do
leads to the first drink of a spree. < We suggest you do >
this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism. If he
is alcoholic, he will understand you at once. He will match
your mental inconsistencies with some of his own.
you
If you are satisfied that he is a real alcoholic, < >
may
< > begin to dwell on the hopeless feature of the malady.
Show him, from your own experience, how the queer mental
condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal
functioning of the will power. Don't < , > at this stage
< , > refer to this book, unless he has seen it and wishes
to discuss it. And be careful not to brand him < as > an
alcoholic. Let him draw his own conclusion. If he sticks
to the idea that he can still control his drinking, tell
him that possibly he can – if he is not too alcoholic.
is
But insist that if he is severely afflicted, there < may be >
little chance he can recover by himself.
a sickness
Continue to speak of alcoholism as < an illness >, a
fatal malady. Talk about the conditions of body and mind
focused
which accompany it. Keep his attention < focussed > mainly
If doctors or psychiatrists
on your personal experience. < >
have pronounced you incurable, be sure and let him know
< >
about it.
< > Explain that many are doomed who never realize
who know the truth
their predicament. Doctors < > are rightly
loath to tell alcoholic patients the whole story unless it
, but
will serve some good purpose < . But > you may talk to him
,
about the hopelessness of alcoholism < > because you offer
a solution. You will soon have your friend admitting he has
many, if not all, of the traits of the alcoholic. If his own
doctor is willing to tell him that he is alcoholic, so much
the better. Even though your protege may not have
93
entirely admitted his condition, he has become very curious
to know how you got well. Let him ask you that question, if
If he does not ask, proceed with the rest of your
he will. < >
story. Tell him exactly what happened to you.
< Tell him exactly what happened to you. >
Stress the spiritual feature freely. If the man be agnostic
he does not have to
or atheist, make it emphatic that < he does not have to >
agree with your conception of God
< agree with your conception of God >. He can choose
any conception he likes, provided it makes sense to him.
The main thing is that he be willing to believe in a
< The main thing is that he be willing to believe in a >
Power greater than himself and that he live by spiritual
< Power greater than himself and that he live by spiritual >
principles.
< principles. >
When dealing with such a person, you had better use
everyday language to describe spiritual principles. There
is no use arousing any prejudice he may have against certain
,
theological terms and conceptions < > about which he may
already be confused. Don't raise such issues, no matter
what your own convictions are.
Your prospect may belong to a religious denomination.
His religious education and training may be far superior to
yours. In that case he is going to wonder how you can add
anything to what he already knows. But he will be curious
religious
to learn why his own < > convictions have not worked
, have given you victory
< > and < why > yours < seem to work so well >. He may be
an example of the truth that faith alone is insufficient.
To be vital, faith must be accompanied by self sacrifice and
unselfish, constructive action. Let him see that you are not
there to instruct him in religion. Admit that he probably
knows more about it than you do, but call to his attention
there
the fact that however deep his faith and knowledge, < he >
must be something wrong, Say
< could not have applied it > or he would not drink. < >
that perhaps you can fails
< Perhaps your story will > help him see where he < >
to apply to himself
< has failed to practice > the very precepts he knows
For our purpose you
so well. < We > represent no
94
You
particular faith or denomination. < We > are dealing only
with general principles common to most denominations.
our telling him
Outline < the > program of action, < explaining > how
you made a self-appraisal, how you straightened out your
,
past < > and why you are now endeavoring to be helpful
to him. < It is important for him to realize that your >
< attempt to pass this on to him plays a vital part in >
< your own recovery. Actually, he may be helping you more >
< than you are helping him. > Make it plain he is under no
obligation to you, that you hope only that he will try to
help other alcoholics when he escapes his own difficulties.
Show
< Suggest > how important it is that he place the welfare
of other people ahead of his own. Make it clear that he is
,
not under pressure, that he needn't see you again < > if he
doesn't want to. You should not be offended if he wants to
call it off, for he has helped you more than you have helped
him. If your talk has been sane, quiet and full of human
probably
understanding, you have < perhaps > made a friend. Maybe you
have disturbed him about the question of alcoholism. This is
all to the good. The more hopeless he feels, the better. He
will be more likely to follow your suggestions.
Your candidate may give reasons why he need not follow
your will
all of < the > program. He < may > rebel at the thought of
a drastic housecleaning which requires discussion with other
people. Do not contradict such views. Tell him you once
if
felt as he does, but you doubt < whether > you would have made
much progress had you not taken action. On your first visit
fellowship
tell him about the < Fellowship > of Alcoholics Anonymous.
If he shows interest, lend him your copy of this book.
95
Unless your friend wants to talk further about himself,
do not wear out your welcome. Give him a chance to think it
over. If you do stay, let him steer the conversation in any
make
direction he likes. Sometimes a new man is anxious to < >
a decision and discuss his affairs
< proceed > at once, and you may be
proceed almost always
tempted to let him < do so >. This is < sometimes > a mis-
take. If he has trouble later, he is likely to say you rushed
him. You will be most successful with alcoholics if you do
not exhibit any passion for cru- sade or reform. Never talk
:
down to an alcoholic from any moral or spiritual hilltop < ; >
your
simply lay out < the > kit of spiritual tools for his inspec-
tion. Show him how they worked with you. Offer him friend-
ship and fellowship. Tell him that if he wants to get well
you will do anything to help.
If he is not interested in your solution, if he expects
you to act only as a banker for his financial difficulties
or a nurse for his sprees, < you may have to > drop him
until he changes his mind. This he may do after he gets
again
hurt < some more >.
If he is sincerely interested and wants to see you
be sure to
again, ask him to < > read this book in the interval.
is to
After doing that, he < must > decide for himself whether he
is to
wants to go on. He < should > not < > be pushed or prodded
by you, his wife, or his friends. If he is to find God, the
desire must come from within.
If he thinks he can do the job in some other way,
spritual
or prefers some other < spiritual > approach, encourage him
You
to follow his own conscience. < We > have no monopoly on God,
you you
< we > merely have an approach that worked with < us >. But
point out that we alcoholics have much in common and that you
would like, in any case, to be friendly. Let it go at that.
96
Do not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond
at once. Search out another alcoholic and try again. You are
sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness
It's
eagerness what you offer. < We find it > a waste of time
and poor strategy
< > to keep chasing a man who cannot or
will not work with you. If you leave such a person alone,
in all likelihood he will begin to run after you, for
< >
will
he < may > soon become convinced that he cannot recover
alone
< by himself >. To spend too much time on any one situation
is to deny some other alcoholic an opportunity to live and
fellowship
be happy. One of our < Fellowship > failed entirely with his
first half dozen prospects. He often says that if he had
continued to work on them, he might have deprived many others,
who have since recovered, of their chance.
Suppose now you are making your second visit to a man.
He has read this volume and says he is prepared to go through
twelve steps of The Program of Recovery
with the < Twelve Steps of the program of recovery >. Having
had the experience yourself, you can give him much practical
advice. < Let him know you are available if he wishes to >
Suggest he his with you
< available if he wishes to > make < a > decision < >
you
and tell < > his story, but do not insist upon it if he
prefers to consult someone else.
He may be broke and homeless. If he is, < you might >
. Give
try to help him about getting a job < , or give > him a little
, unless it would
financial assistance < . But you should not > deprive your
family or creditors of money they should have. Perhaps you
will want to take the man into your home for a few days.
But be sure you use discretion. Be certain he will be wel-
comed by your family, and that he is not trying to impose
upon you for money, connections, or shelter. Permit that
and you only harm him. You will be making it possible for
him to be insincere.
97
will ,
You < may > be aiding in his destruction < > rather than his
recovery.
Never avoid these responsibilities, but be sure you are
Self-sacrifice
doing the right thing if you assume them. < Helping >
for
< > others is the foundation stone of your recovery. A
kindly act once in a while isn't enough. You have to act
the Good Samaritan every day, if need be. It may mean the
loss of many nights' sleep, great interference with your
pleasures, interruptions to your business. It may mean shar-
ing your money and your home, counseling frantic wives and
relatives, innumerable trips to police courts, sanitariums,
hospitals, jails and asylums. Your telephone may jangle at
will
any time of the day or night. Your wife < may > sometimes
say she is neglected. A drunk may smash the furniture in
your home, or burn a mattress. You may have to fight with
him if he is violent. Sometimes you will have to call a doc-
tor and administer sedatives under his direction. Another
time you may have to send for the police or an ambulance.
< Occasionally you will have to meet such conditions. >
This sort of thing goes on constantly, but we
< We > seldom
allow an alcoholic to live in our homes for long at a time.
It is not good for him, and it sometimes creates serious
complications in a family.
Though an alcoholic does not respond, there is no
reason why you should neglect his family. You should
in every way
continue to be friendly to them < >. The
family should be offered your way of life. Should they
,
accept < > and practice spiritual principles, there is
a much better chance < that > the head of the head of
the family will recover. And even though he continues
to drink, the family will find life more bearable.
For the type of alcoholic who is able and willing to
98
get well, little charity, in the ordinary sense of the word,
is needed or wanted. The men who cry for money and shelter
before conquering alcohol, are on the wrong track. Yet we do
go to great extremes to provide each other with these very
things, when such action is warranted. This may seem incon-
sistent, but < we think > it is not.
It is not the matter of giving that is in question, but
when and how to give. That < often > makes the difference
between failure and success. The minute we put our work on
social
a < > service plane, the alcoholic commences to rely upon
our assistance rather than upon God. He clamors for this and
that, claiming he cannot master alcohol until his material
needs are cared for. Nonsense. Some of us have taken very
job
hard knocks to learn this truth: < Job > or no job – wife or
no wife – we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place
dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God.
Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that
No person on this
he can get well regardless of anyone. < >
earth can stop his recovery from alcohol, or prevent his
< >
being supplied with whatever is good for him.
< > The only
condition is that he trust in God and clean house.
Now, the domestic problem: There may be divorce,
seperation
< separation >, or just strained relations. When your
restitution
prospect has made such < reparation > as he can to his
family, and has thoroughly explained to them the new
principles by which he is living, he should proceed to
put those principles into action at home. That is, if
he is lucky enough to have a home. Though his family
be at fault in many respects, he should not be concerned
about that. He should concentrate on his own spiritual
demonstration. Argument and fault-finding are to be
leprosy
avoided like < the plague >. In many homes this is a
99
difficult thing to do, but it must be done if any results are
to be expected. If persisted in for a few months, the effect
on a man's family is sure to be great. The most incompatible
people discover they have a basis upon which they can meet.
will
Little by little the family < may > see their own defects and
admit them. These can then be discussed in an atmosphere of
helpfulness and friendliness.
After they have seen tangible results, the family will
join in the better way of life
perhaps want to < go along >. These
,
things will come to pass naturally and in good time < > pro-
vided, however, the alcoholic continues to demonstrate that
he can be sober, considerate, and helpful, regardless of what
anyone says or does. Of course, we all fall much below this
standard many times. But we must try to repair the damage
immediately lest we pay the penalty by a spree.
seperation
If there be divorce or < separation >, there should be
no undue haste for the couple to get together. The man should
ground
be sure of his < recovery >. The wife should fully understand
his new way of life. If their old relationship is to be re-
, old one
sumed < > it must be on a better basis, since the < former >
did not work. This means a new attitude and spirit all
around. Sometimes it is to the best interests of all concern-
ed that a couple remain apart. Obviously, no rule can be laid
new way of life
down. Let the alcoholic continue his < program > day by
day. When the time for living together has come, it will be
apparent to both parties.
Let no alcoholic say he cannot recover unless he has his
family back. This just isn't so. In some cases the wife will
your
never come back for one reason or another. Remind < the >
prospect that his recovery is not dependent
100
upon people. It is dependent upon his relationship with
God. We have seen men get well whose families have not
returned at all. We have seen others slip when the family
came back too soon.
prospect
Both you and the new < man > must < walk > day by
walk
day < > in the path of spiritual progress. If you persist,
to you
remarkable things will happen < >. When we look back,
we realize that the things which came to us when we put our-
for us
selves in God's hands were better < > than anything we
could have planned. Follow the dictates of a Higher Power
and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world,
no matter what your present circumstances!
must
When working with a man and his family, you < should >
take care not to participate in their quarrels. You may
you may
spoil your chance of being helpful if you do. But < >
urge upon a man's family that he has been a very sick person
them
and should be treated accordingly. You should warn < >
against arousing resentment or jealousy. You should point
out that his defects of character are not going to disappear
over night. Show them that he has entered upon a period of
growth. Ask them to remember, when they are impatient, the
blessed fact of his sobriety.
If you have been successful in solving your own
domestic problems, tell the newcomer's family how that
was accomplished. In this way you can set them on the
right track without becoming critical of them. The story
of how you and your wife settled your difficulties is worth
preaching or
any amount of < > criticism.
Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of
things alcoholics are not supposed to do. People have said
we must not go where liquor is served; we
101
must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink;
we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we
mustn't
< must not > go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles
if we go to their houses; we mustn't think or be reminded
Experience proves
about alcohol at all. < Our experience shows that > this is
nonsense
< not necessarily so >.
We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who
cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is some-
thing the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance
for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap,
and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch
and ruin everything! Ask any woman who has sent her husband
to distant places on the theory he would escape the alcohol
problem.
Any
< In our belief any > scheme of combating alcoholism
which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is
doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield him-
, will wind
self < > he may succeed for a time, but < he usually winds >
Our wives and we
up with a bigger explosion than ever. < We >
foolish
have tried these methods. These < > attempts to do the
impossible have always failed.
So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is
if we have a legitimate reason for being there
drinking, < if we have a legitimate reason for being there >.
That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings,
even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a person who has had
experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting
Providence, but it isn't.
You will note that we made an important qualification.
Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have I any
legitimate
< good > social, business, or personal reason for going
Am I going to be helpful to any one there?
to this place? < >
Could I be more useful or helpful by being somewhere else?
< >
< Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure >
< from the atmosphere of such places? >"
102
If you answer these questions satisfactorily, you need have
You may go whatever
no apprehension. < Go > or stay away, < whichever >
seems best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground
before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly
good. Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion.
Think of what you can bring to it. But if you are
spiritually
< > shaky, you had better work with another
alcoholic instead!
You are not to
< Why > sit with a long face in places where
there is drinking, sighing about the good old days. If it
is a happy occasion, try to increase the pleasure of those
there; if a business occasion, go and attend to your business
enthusiastically. If you are with a person who wants to eat
in a bar, by all means go along. Let your friends know they
are not to change their habits on your account. At a proper
time and place explain to all your friends why alcohol disa-
no decent person
grees with you. If you do this thoroughly, < few people >
will ask you to drink. While you were drinking, you were
withdrawing from life little by little. Now you are getting
back into the < social > life of this world. Don't start to
from life
withdraw < > again just because your friends drink
liquor.
Your job is now to be at the place where you may be
of maximum helpfulness to others, so never hesitate to go
where there is drinking,
< anywhere > if you can be helpful. You should
not hesitate to visit the most sordid spot on earth on such
a mission
< an errand >. Keep on the firing line of life with these
,
motives < > and God will keep you unharmed.
Many of us keep liquor in our homes. We often need it
to carry green recruits through a severe hangover. Some of
in moderation,
us still serve it to our friends < > provided
people who do abuse drinking
they are < > not < alcoholic >. But some
of us think we should not serve liquor to anyone. We never
argue this question.
103
We feel that each family, in the light of their own circum-
stances, ought to decide for themselves.
We are careful never to show intolerance or hatred of
drinking as an institution. Experience shows that such an
attitude is not helpful to anyone. Every new alcoholic looks
for this spirit among us and is immensely relieved when he
finds we are not witch-burners. A spirit of intolerance
would
repel alcoholics whose lives < could > have been saved, had
our
not been for < such > stupidity. We would not even do the
cause of temperate drinking any good, for not one drinker
is willing
in a thousand < likes > to be told anything about alcohol
by one who hates it.
Some day we hope that Alcoholics Anonymous will help
the public to a better realization of the gravity of the
liquor . We
< alcoholic > problem < , but we > shall be of little use if
our attitude is one of bitterness or hostility. Drinkers
will not stand for it.
After all, our troubles were of our own making.
< After all, our problems were of our own making. >
Bottles were only a symbol. Besides, we have stopped
< Bottles were only a symbol. Besides, we have stopped >
fighting anybody or anything. We have to!
< fighting anybody or anything. We have to! >
e-aa discussion of Working With Others
NoNameYet Online A.A. 