Even when we thought we might have had some kind of dubious right to be angry and resent, this truth we have since learned at Step Four yet remained a fact:

“Those who hate (hurt) you don’t win unless you hate them, and then you destroy yourself.” (Richard M. Nixon)

Fellowship greetings to all!

Some new members have recently registered at our NoNameYet site and have also been added to this discussion list, and hopefully this e-mail will prove helpful.

Our autonomous NoNameYet A.A. fellowship group carries the original A.A. message of permanent recovery from chronic alcoholism, and we are very aware of the various differences between the original A.A. message and the message or messages more commonly heard within today’s AA. To read a little about that, maybe have a look here: https://www.nonameyet.org/aa-or-a-a/

For the record, we have no issues with today’s AA and we do not ever mean to speak against anything or anyone anywhere. Rather, and with the alcoholic who cannot stop drinking in mind, we only ever mean to portray this:

“That the man (or woman) who is making the approach has had the same difficulty, that s/he obviously knows what s/he is talking about, that his/her whole deportment shouts at the new prospect that s/he is a wo/man with a real answer, that s/he has no attitude of Holier Than Thou, nothing whatever except the sincere desire to be helpful; that there are no fees to pay, no axes to grind, no people to please, no lectures to be endured – these are the conditions we have found most effective. After such an approach many take up their beds and walk again.” (“Alcoholics Anonymous“, pages 18-19)

Some of us first tried what we now know as “today’s AA” prior to our actual recoveries, so sometimes we do make mention of something like this:

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Many people might try to suggest you actually can stop drinking just one-day-at-a-time if you have sufficient “support” for trying to do so, but that failed completely for many of us prior to A.A. and we have since learned these truths about ourselves and our alcoholism:

“…something more than human power is needed to produce the essential psychic change.” (“The Doctor’s Opinion” in “Alcoholics Anonymous“, the book)
“…probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.” (page 60)

So, please be cautious about not falling into today’s trap of not drinking one-day-at-a-time until you again end up drunk and then again not drinking one-day-at-a-time until you again end up drunk and then again not drinking one-day-at-a-time until you again end up drunk…rinse and repeat until dead.
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For sharing and discussion, here is something for either of two kinds of people:

1. Anyone wanting to know how A.A. works;
2. Alcoholics or others wanting A.A. to work.

I came to A.A. knowing nothing about alcoholism.  I already knew my problem was something other than alcohol, but I had no idea why I could not stay sober…and then the people who first helped me began explaining…

“Selfishness – self-centeredness!  That, we think, is the root of our troubles.  Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity…decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
“So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making.” (page 62)

For anyone still thinking alcohol is our problem, just stop drinking for a while and watch as our problem appears…

“Resentment (a manifestation of self) is the ‘number one’ offender.” (page 64)

From the dictionary:

resent = to be angry or upset about someone or something thought to be unfair
resentment = a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury

“In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper.  We listed people, institutions or principles with whom we were angry.”

Nobody in A.A. ever told me to “Don’t drink.”  Just like me, they already knew I could not do that.  So, and since getting drunk over resentment seemed to be my actual problem, they instead told me to begin praying for the people I resented…

…and then they also told me it would not be helpful to pray for the man I resented the most to be run over by a truck!  At the time, I had no idea how they knew that is exactly what I had been thinking.

Returning to our text:

“We turned back to [our resentment] list, for it held the key to the future…
“This was our course: We realized the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick…like ourselves…
“We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend.  When a person [next] offended we said to ourselves, ‘This is a sick man.  How can I be helpful to him?  God save me from being angry.  Thy will be done.’
“We avoid retaliation or argument…
“We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one.” (page 67)

I now had “the key to the future” and knew I never again had to take a drink over resentment…and much to my surprise, I had yet to look for even the very first defect of character.